Zelda, New and Improved
by Anime Freak5
Summary: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! My next Chapter is finnaly here! so, could you maby please reveiw?
1. Default Chapter

OK, this is my first ever fan fic, so don't send me too much hate mail!

CHAPTER 1 

::Kokori Forest::Links House::

Navi: Hey!

Link: ::Wakes up::Grumpy:: Shut up ::Slaps navi into the ground::

::30 miutes later::

Navi returns with a bunch of her fairy friends and proceeds to torment Link

Navi: Hey!

Link: ::Mad:: Ouch!  What?

Navi: You have to go see the Great Duku Tree, right now

Link: Make me, you stupid fairy

Navi: I'll bring my friends back…

Link: OK,OK, just shut up, please!

At the enterance to the Great Deku Tree…

Mido: Hey you, so youv'e finnaly got a fairy?  

Link: Yeah, a pain in the ass Fairy though.  She is a bossy little b****!

Mido: Yeah well, what are you doing here?

Link:  I was summoned to see the Deku Tree, so move out of the way.

Mido: What, why you?  You brown nosing SOB!

Link:  What the hell did you just call me?!?!?!?

Mido: Yeah, well what are you going to do about it?  You don't even have a sword, unlike me::pulls out a sword that is way too big for him::

Link: AHHHHHHHHH!

Runs away

Mido: Yeah you better run!!

Link: I'll get back at that cock SOB, I'll go get a sword and then we'll see who's laughing.

A couple of hours later…(I'm too lazy to write it all out^__^)

Navi: Hey!

Link: Didn't I tell you to shut up?

Navi: Yeah, and your fun to be with to?  What I want to say is that if you kill mido, all of the kokories will die, as much as you migh hate it, he is the ruler of us, so might as well let him live.

Link: Who cares, it'll be fun anyways!

Navi:  You wont be able to see Saria again ::Singsong voice::

Link: D*****, that's right, I wont be able to show of my new sword to her.  God I love her green hair, how I would like to…

Navi: Hey this is not a porn story (sorry guys) so get your mind out of the gutter and go see the Deku Tree, right NOW

Navi begins to glow a reddish color, horns and a tail appear, and she begins to talk like a demon

Link: AHHHHHH!!!  I'm going, I'm going, don't hurt me, please

Back at the enterance…

Mido: So your back, huh, did I not scare you enough last time? (Begins to draw sword again)

Link: No(pulls out his own and points it to Midos throat)

Navi: Remember what I said earlier ::Cough::Cough:: Saria ::Hint::Hint::

Link: D*****, I remember (Flicks at Navi)

Mido ::Gulp:: Uh, the Deku Tree is uh right through here sir ::Whimper::

Link: There, now that's more like it!

Later…

Link: oh, great Deku, I bow to thy power and humbolly…

Great Deku Tree: Oh get up, I hate it when people do that, it gets so annoying ::Mock voice:: 'Great Deku this' 'Great Deku that' god, why won't any one call me by my real name?

Link: Well what is it?

G.D.T.: It's Quagmire, so from now on, call me Quagmire.

Link: Quagmire ::Snigger::Snigger::  That's a really, um, nice name ::Snigger::

Suddenly, Link bursts out laughing, while the Deku Tree shakes with anger

Q-mire: Whats so funny?  Stop laughing, I'm warning you, if you continue to laugh, then I will drop a coconut on your head. (Yes there were coconuts on the Tree, hey, it's **my** fan fic, I can do what I want!)

Link shuts up **very** quickly

Link: Ok sorry Dek… I mean, ::Snort:: Quagmire ::Snort::

Elevator type music begins playing, Link yawns

Q-mire: Now let me tell you a story, a story of a young women, and an evil man.  It all began lang ago, when…

Music screeches to a halt

Link: Sorry for interrupting, really am, but this sounds really long, so it therea readers digest version for this story, because I tend to fall asleep at times like this.

Q-mire: Grrrrrrrr, take that!

Coconut falls

Link: Owww #__$,  What was that for?

Q-mire: Now shut up and Listen, or I'll do it again!

Link: OK,OK,just tell the D*** story.

Q-mire: As I was saying…

Several hours later…

Q-mire: So, that about sums it up, what do you think Link, will you help lift this curse off of me?

Link: ::Snore::

Navi: Hey(Boxes him on the ear) wake up!

Link: Wha?  Oh yeah yeah, very interesting, now can I go, please?

Q-mire: so you won't help me?

Link: Fraid not, have fun with the reat of your life, well what ever is left of it, Quagmire ::Bursts out laughing::

Q-mire: Why you little…

A small green gem fals out of the branches

Q-mire: Nooooo, I meant to send a coconut

Link: ::Dazed:: ohh, look at the pretty rock @__*

Q-mire: No, bring that back, it's mine, mine, mine, mine!!  I want it wahhhhhhh

Link comes back to reality

Link Screw you, I'm leaving this D***** place.  But I have to um, say goodbye to some one, yeah, that's all, saying goodbye.  See you soon Navi!  Oh Saria ::Sing song voice::

Link walks off with an evil gring on his 10 year old face.

Well that the end of chapter 1, so please R&R, and don't be to harsh on me! ^;^


	2. Hyrule Feild

OK, I really haven't been getting too many reviews, so if u r reading this and not reviewing, then please, please review.  I am beginning to get depressed by the lack of confidence that I get from a review-less fic!

CHAPTER 2 

****

Time: middle of the day

Place: Hyrule Field

Why: Beats the S*** out of me!

 Link: I'm tired, I'm hungry, my feet hurt, I'm thirsty, I'm…

Navi: SHUT-UP ALREADY, you sniveling little weakling!

Link shoves Navi into a bottle and laughs at her

Link: Hahahahaha

Navi: ::in odd echoing voice:: Hey, you better let me out, or else…

Link suddenly remembers back in the forest, when Navi changed into the mini devil

Link: oops, sorry, I forgot

Navi: yeah, well, just don't ever do that again

Wolf Howls

Link: What, night already?  What is this S***?

Navi: Time goes faster here than it should, this is due to the rotation of the…

Link: ::Snore:: …Wha? Oh yeah, I can tell your just like the Deku Tree, or as I should say, Quagmire

Link bursts out laughing and a coconut drops out of nowhere

Link: What the hell? How'd he do that?

Navi: Haha, serves you right

Skeleton pops out of the ground

Skeleton: Grrr, arggg ::in a very unconvincing tone::

Link: would you mind, I am trying to fight with my fairy here!

Skeleton: Oh, so terribly sorry to disturb you my good chap, but could I trouble you for some Grey Poupon?

Link: oh, sure, here you go

Skeleton: Why thank you ever so much

Disappears back into the ground

Link: Now what were we talking about?

Navi: I don't know, well, lets go see what's happening at the palace.

Link: Why the palace?

Navi: I don't know that's just what the other link did

Link: What other link?

Navi Forget I said anything, lets just go.

At the Draw-bridge

Link: Hey, what's wrong, they closed the gate

Guard: Halt!  State thy business.

Link: Ummmm, I really don't have a business, I'm really only ten years old.

Guard falls down with an anime like look of exasperation on his face

Guard 2: None shall pass ::you will only get this if you have watched Monty Python, Quest for the Holy Grail::

Link: What?

Guard 2: None shall pass.

Link: Why?

Guard 2: None shall pass.

Link: OK… I guess the King is running low on dough, has to hire out psychos and such!  OK, MR. Guard sir, if you could just lower the gate a small…

Guard 2: None shall pass.

Link: Yes, I know that, but if you could just…

Guard 2: None shall pass.

Link: Yes, but if you could just…

Guard 2: None shall pass.

Link: OK, this is obviously getting me nowhere, so lets just go the back way

Link and Navi go off to the side of the wall while in the distance you can still here "None shall pass."

OK, this is my weak attempt at humor, so tell me if it is funny.


	3. Market and Castle

OK, this is going pretty well.  I was wondering if I should switch the Format that I am writing this in.  You know, less like a play script and more like a book?  Well give me some input on that please.  Enjoy! ~Tootles~

CHAPTER 3 

****

As we left our heroes( yes I know it is a rip off of pokemon) Link and Navi had just sneaked past the psycho guard and snuck in the back way…

Link: Hey Navi, I think we made it into the market square!

Navi: What was your first clue?  The venders, or the fact that everyone here seems to be selling something? ::In an undertone:: Dumbass!

Link: I heard that…

Link begins to draw out a bottle and Navi begins to grow horns.  Link quickly stuffs the bottle back into his pocket

Link: So, where should we go First?

Navi: Well, I here the guards near the gate are helpless and the pots will give you money!

Link: I'm already there!

At the entrance to the market where Guard 1 still has an anime style look of exasperation his face

Guard 2: None shall pass!

Link: Oh shut-up already

In the guard house

Link: Hey Navi, you were right, this is so much fun!  Look at this, I can throw a pot at the guard and he doesn't even care!  Cool!

Navi: OK Link it is time to go

Link: Shut up

Navi: No!

Link: Yes!

Navi: No!

Link: Yes!

 Navi: No!

Link: Yes!

Navi: No!

Link: Yes!

Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: ok sorry

Navi: Now, lets go

Link: Yes Ma'am

At the Temple of Light

Link: Look, a big, empty, available room!  Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Navi: PARTY!!!! Woooooooooo!!

The next morning

Link: Ohhhh…  I feel like S***

Navi rises from inside a Wine Cooler

Navi: ::Hick:: I don't feel ::Hick:: anything ::Hick::

Link: Wait a few hours, you'll have the worst hangover in your life

Navi: How do ::Hick:: you know about ::Hick:: that?  Your ::Hick:: only 10.

Link gets a huge smile on his face

Link: You'd be surprised!

A few hours later…

Navi: Ohhhh… I feel like S***

Link Told ya so!

Navi: Shut-up, and don't yell and turn off that bright light!

Link: It's night, and I'm not yelling

Navi: Don't argue with me you Pipsqueak! ::Beginning to talk in a slurred voice::

Link: OK…

Navi: And another thing!  Um, Um, what was I going to say?

Link: You were about to go to sleep

Navi: Oh yeah, thanks ::Snore::

The naxt day

Navi: Ohh, my poor head

Link: Well, we've wasted about a week just standing here, so what do we do?

Navi: Go to the palace

Link: How do we do that?

Navi: How the hell should I know!

Link: Oh well, lets just go

At the gate to the palace

Link: Excuse me, can you let me through?

Guard: None shall pass!

Link&Navi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOO, it's you!!!!!!!!!!

L&N: Run away, run away!

Navi: Hey, look there's a red head just standing there

Malon is dressed up in a leather motorcycle jacket with pink cowboy boots, with a tattooed horse next to her

Link: Hey there, want to go out on a date with me?

Malon: With you? HAH, I only go out with guys older than me, say, around 30/35!

Link: What the hell?!?!  Your jail bait!

Malon:  Yeah whatever, listen, my pops up at the castle and the lazy freak probably fell asleep again so could you go get him for me?

Link: Why should I do anything for you?

Malon: I would consider going out with you if you do it.

Link: Well of course I would do it for you, I mean you didn't even have to ask!  It will be my pleasure!

Malon: OK then, get going!!!

Link: there's just one thing, I don't know how to get into the palace.

Malon: Oh my god, are all boys this helpless?  Well, all you have to do is climb up this vine and go around the guards!  They are so oblivios of what's going on around them that you only have to worry if you walk straight in front of them!!!

Link: Geeze, sorry for asking!

Inside the palace moat

Link: Oh no, look at my hair, and my clothes and my boots.  Their all soaking wet, and I just had them dry cleaned to!

Navi: Oh shut-up

Suddenly, Link & Navi hear a loud noise, like an alarm

L&N: What did you do? It wasn't me!

Link: Hey, that's not an alarm!  It's somebody snoring!

L&N walk up to a large lump of body and kick it

Talon: ::Snore::

Link: WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!

Talon: Who what when where why and how?!?!  Oh, hello there.  OH MY GOD, Malon!  Shes going to kick my ass when she finds me!  Must, find, shelter!  Must, hide, from her wrath!

Link: OK……..that was just a little bit odd.

Navi: So, now what?

Link I don't know, but lets just go to the palace

Navi: Why?

Link: I here Princess Zelda is a real babe!!!!

So, there is Chapter three, all done and ready.  So, like I said, tell me what you think about the format.


	4. Link meets Zelda

OK, sorry this took so long to get up, but I really hurt my wrist, so I can only type w/one hand!  Yeah, it sucks, but, the story must go on!  So tell me how you like it…

Chapter 4

Narrator: It was a dark an stormy night, a small figure is seen creeping into the palace, suddenly, the boys face is lit up by a small light and the child begins to talk in undertones.  Man, this is getting too creepy for me, I'm out of here!

Link: Who was that?

Navi: Beats me.

Link: So, what were we just talking about?

Navi: Beats me.

Link: Thanks a lot, you're a big help!

Navi: Your welcomeJ

Link: I didn't mean that to be... oh well, forget it

Navi: ^__^

Link: Oh yeah, we were going to go see that babe, Zelda!

Navi: :-( Please speak with more respect for your future ruler!

Link: Yeah yeah, whatever.

Navi: Listen, right now we have bigger problems

Link: Like what?

Navi: The guards for one thing, smart one!

Link: oh, yeah.  I have an idea, hows about I go and take on all of the guards at once?  I think it could work, and it would score me points with Zelda!

Navi: Why me!?!?!?!?!?

Later at the gate to the palace

Link: Hey, it would have worked to, but you um, and you ummm, and you also, umm.  Well I can't really remember right now, but I know it is your fault some how!

Navi: Me!?  I warned you, and I'd love to tell you so, so I told you so

Link: Ah Shadup

Navi: Now, hopefully, you will listen to me!

Link: ::In a defeated voice:: What do you want me to do?

Navi: Now, the best plan to get into the palace square would be to go through…

Several hours later

Navi: So, you got all that link?

Link: ::Snore::

Navi: Why me!?!?!?!?

Navi boxes Link on the ear

Link: Wha?  Oh yes, very interesting, so what exactly do you want me to do?

Navi: Just try and sneak past the guards, OK, is that too much to ask, just sneak past the god D***** guards!!!!!!

Link: OK, but you want to do it the boring way.

Navi: AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Just go before I hurt you!

Inside the castle

Guard: Hey what are you doing in here?  I need to send you back out!

Link: Name your price.

Guard: What?  Are you trying to bribe me!

Link: Oh my, can't get anything past you, can I?

Guard: How dare you, I mean, to think that a guard for the King would accept such a thing!  Well, what I'm trying to say is, I believe about 80 rupees would just about do it do it.

Link: OK, here you go, pleasure doing business with you!

Navi: I can't believe you just did that!

Link: Shut up!

In the castle square

Link: ::Whistles:: Hotche mama! 

Zelda is wearing a low cut V dress that comes up to between her hips and her knees.  She is wearing black lipstick, with every inch of her ears covered in earrings, up to the tip of her pointy little ears.

Link goes into one of those Wolf acts, where his eyes pop out of his head and his tongue rolls out, you know the routine

Zelda: Yo, what is up!  I love your clothes, totally retro!  Totally green!

Link: ::Blushes:: Umm, thanks.  Your clothes are um, nice to.

Zelda: Hay waz zat you got there?  Some kind of demon firefly!

Link: Who, oh you mean Navi?!  Oh shes nothing don't worry about her.

Navi: Nothing? Humph.  I'll show him nothing!

Navi begins to fly straight at Zelda, but she holds up a bottle and Navi flys right into it

Zelda: Ha!  Take that you freakin Fairy!

Navi: Help me!  Walls, closing in, can't breath, must get out!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Link: Hahahahaha

Navi: Why you little…

Two coconuts fall on Links and Zeldas head

Zelda: What the... Hey how did you do that?

Navi: You had better let me out, or I'll do it again!

Zelda takes the stopper off the bottle and Navi Flys away and sits on the statue, trying to get over the trauma she just went through

Link: OK, now that that is over with, why did I come here again?

Zelda: Who cares!  Oh, wait a sec. I just remembered one of my recent hallucinations, I mean, um dreams, yeah, that's it.  The halu... I mean dream said that some whacked up kid with a bozo fairy would come along! You must be him.  Cool!

Link: Yeah, OK, was this before, or after you were dropped on your head?

Zelda: Oh shut up and get over here

Link: Why should I?

Zelda: 'Cause I told you to, and if you don't, I'll have you beheaded for, um, disobeying the princes

Link: Works for me, here I come!

Zelda: Now look through that window, and look at that man near my father

Link looks in the window and sees the happy mask man

Link: AHHHHHHHHH!!  It's the most horrible thing I have ever seen!  His ever-smiling face, it will haunt my nightmares forever!! 

Link falls onto the ground in a fetal position and begins to weep

Zelda: You get up you pansy ass freak, Ganondorf isn't that bad!

Link suddenly stops crying

Link: Who? Ganondorf?  I was talking about the Happy Mask man!

Zelda: Now there I agree, he is creepy!

Link: Let me look again

Link looks again

Link: Ah, I see, so this is the face of evil!

Zelda: You D***** fool!  He saw you, now he's coming over!

G-dorf: ::Talks in the stereotype Gay voice:: Now guyths, you thouldn't b thpying on people like that!  It's just not nithe!

Zelda: Yes sir, we are very thorry, I mean, sorry

G-dorf: Oh!  Who's your cute little friend?

Zelda: Oh, him, he is just entertainment, don't worry about him

G-dorf: Oh, I thee::Wink::Wink::  Why hello there!

Link: Yeah, uh, hi

G-dorf: Well, I got to go now, nice meeting you;-) hope to see you again

Ganondorf walks off with a knowing strut

Link: Entertainment?!?!  My god, I'll be marked for life!!

Zelda: ::Sniker::Sniker::

Link: Well, now that I've seen him, what do you want?

Zelda: Well, you see, I really hate him, so I just want to hurt him some how.

Link: I'm afraid to ask, but why do you need me?

Zelda: See, I'm really lazy, and since I'm the princess, I can order people around and they have to obey me!

Link: I see, so what do you want me to do?

Zelda: I want Ganondorf dead, but for some odd reason, he can't be killed with a regular, sword, but the one sword that can kill him is sealed away, and I want you to get it for me and kill him!

Link: and just how am I supposed to do that?  Didn't you just say that it was sealed away?

Zelda: Well, all you have to do is get three spiritual stones, and then that's all!

Link: Spiritual stones?

Zelda: Yeah, is there an echo in here?  Geeze!  There are as I said, three, one for the forest, one for the water, and one for the mountain.

Link: Forest?  You mean this?

Pulls out the green stone thrown at him by the Deku Tree

Zelda: Yes, good, now only two stones to go!

Link: And remind me again, why should I do this for you?

Zelda makes the death sign

Link: Oh, yeah, that's right, I'm already gone!

Link begins to leave, but is stopped by Impa who sounds a lot like a valley girl

Impa: Like, oh my god!  Zelda, you didn't tell me you were like, seeing someone.  You just like have to tell me all about him!

Zelda: Oh, good thing you're here, teach link here how to play the Royal song

Impa: Oh, my, god, that is supposed to be a secret, like you little nark!

Zelda: Just shut up and do what I told you to do

Impa: Like, OK, but I'm not responsible for what happens if your father ever finds out!

Zelda: Oh shut up, my dad doesn't even show up in this game, so just teach him the D*** song!

Impa teaches Link the song, Blah blah blah, and Links Ocarina starts to sparkle

Impa: Like, way cool, dude.  Like, let me see that!

Link: No

Impa: Yes

Link: No

Impa: Yes

Link: No

Impa: Yes

Link: No

Impa: Yes

Link: No

Impa: Yes

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Impa: 'K, just, like, don't a cucu or somthin' like that!  Gaw!

Link: Can I leave yet?

Zelda: Sure, just have Impa take you, out, the guards will totally spaz out if you just walk out of the courtyard

Out side of Castle town

Impa: Like, here you go, all safe and everything

Link: Yeah, thanks, now could you just leave me alone?

Impa: Geeze, like, I know when I'm not wanted!  No need for you to explain things to me!

Impa throws something on the ground

Impa: Oww, my eyes

Link: Where did she go?

Navi: Who cares

Link: Yeah, lets just go

Ok, like I said, sorry for the less than expedient delivery of this fic, but hope you enjoy it.  Oh and also, sorry for the total change in Zelda's personality, but I just couldn't continue writing like that!


	5. Lon-Lon Ranch

Yeah!  Reviews!  Wohooooooo!  I'm feeling very happy!  Well, onto the story!  Here goes nothing!

Chapter 5

Link: So, Navi, what's the plan?

Navi: Well, we could… or we could… and another thing is… I don't know!

Link: OK, thanks for nothing.  Hey, I've got a great ides!  Lets go see that Malon girl, she said that she would go on a date with me!

Navi: AHHHH!  Why do I even try?!?!

At Lon-Lon Ranch

Link: Hey, Malon, I'm back

Malon: Yeah, that sucks don't it?

Link: Aww, you big kidder.  Now, about that date you promised me?

Malon: No no no, I said that I would consider going out with you!  How you interoperate what I say is your problem!

Link: But you said, and I though, but you, but, but, but…

Malon: Sorry 'bout that, but I told you, I ain't into the young ones, I'm looking for someone who has gone through puberty at least!

Malon walks off leaving Link

Link: But, but, but, but…

Navi: Oh shut up already, lets see if there is someone else here

Link walks into the house 

Talon: ::Snore::

Link: Why that lazy SOB!  I'll teach him to raise a daughter like Malon!

While Talon sleeps, Link puts make-up on his face to make him look like a clown

Link: Hey, you, wake up

Talon: What in Tarnation!?!?

Link: Hey, remember me?

Talon: Oh yeah, your that kid from the palace.  Say, how did you get in there in the first place?

Link: :: Changes the subject:: Enough about me, tell me about you!

Talon: Well, I own this ranch, but I mostly sleep the entire time!  It works for me!

Link: OK…so how do you make money?

Talon: I made up a game, see, all you have to do is find these 3 SUPER CUCCUS in the midst of all the other cuccus, and you win!  Now, at the beginning of the game, I release the 3 SUPER CUCCOS, and you have to bring them back to me!  Do you want to play?  It only costs 10 rupees!

Link gets an idea in his fiendish little head

Link: Sure, I'd love to play.

Talon: Great, here goes!

As Talon releases the 3 SUPER CUCCOS, link cuts their bellies, so they can't move, then gathers them up easily.

Link: Here you go Mr. Talon sir!

Talon: MY CUCCUS!  Get out! OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT!!!!

Link: What, I rounded them up like you said?

Talon: OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Geeze, that's one angry clown!  Lets go to the stables and see if we can nick a horse from them!

Navi: How could you be so morally wrong?  Didn't you grow up as a Kokori!  I thought they were better than this!

Link: Girl!  This is a new age, you don't know jack S*** about us!

In the stables, Link finds Malon trying to seduce Ingo…

Link: What the hell??!!  How could you!  Forget our date, I don't want to go out with a fricken hoar!

Malon: What date?  We never had a date!

Link: Oh, yeah;-( ::Tear::

Malon: Well, bye-bye Ingy-poo, I'll see you soon.  I'll get you Link, and your little fairy too!  AHHHAHAHAH!  Ooops, sorry, wrong thing!

Malon walks out

Link: Yo man, whats your secret?  I want in on some of that action!

Ingo: Gosh darn it horses, gosh darn it stables, gosh darn it Talon.  I should be in charge, I do all the work, I do everything while he sleeps all day!

Link: Hello in there.  I just asked you a question

Ingo: Gosh darn it Ranch, Gosh darn it…

Link: OK… I am just going to back up slowly, just slowly…

Link breaks into a run screaming at the top of his lungs

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

In the horse chorale

Link: Hey, there is that little B****, Malon

Malon: You know, I've been thinking, I really was kind of mean, I'm not apologizing, but here, I'll give you a horse.

Link looks around

Link: Hmm, let me look around

Link spies a brown horse with foam at its mouth and a fire burning in its eyes.  No, really, a fire that is burning because it has no eyes!

Link: I want that one!

Malon: Which one? Epona the Mauler of Men and Destroyer of Societies?

Link: Ummm… sure, I'll take him, her, it, what ever it is

Malon, OK, but if you don't play a certain song, it will kill you in a mean nasty way!

Link: Whats the song?

Malon: Why don't you play along with me?  Lets all sing along, are you ready kids?

Authors Not: Ooops, sorry, got carried away!

Link learns the song and Epona shrinks into a small pony and the fire is replaced with two blue eyes(yes blue) and the foam around her mouth becomes grass, which she chews on lazily.

Link: D*****!  She became boring, oh, well.

Link mounts Epona and gallops around the ring a couple of times and pulls up next to Malon

Malon: Cool, you're a natural

Link: Thanks, now can I leave?

Malon: Nope.

Link: What! Why?

Malon: I don't know, I just don't like you

Link: Yeah, well we'll see about that!

Link rides around the ring a couple of times, gettings Epona up to speed, and runs over Malon through the gate and shouts a last: Hah, take that you F***** B****!

Navi: OH MY GOD!!!!!  How could you do that?

Link: Easy, I just rode over her!

Navi: You know what I mean!

Link: Yeah, well don't worry, she'll be fine.

Epona gets that fire in her eyes again, after that exuberating trample

Link: Kick Ass!


	6. Kakriko Village

OK, luckily for you (or unluckily, however you may wish to see it) I have a four day weekend, no life, and no anime to watch!  That means I have four days for my fic! "YAY" you may well say, but wait until you see the horrors I have in store for you!  Mwahahahahaha!  Oh, by the way, sorry for the long delay of this chapter, but I have been very caught up in homework!  Also, I figured out that I'm supposed to have a disclaimer, so here it is:  Ahem, ahem, excuse me.  Ahem, here it is, are you ready?  Well, This Fan fic, which is mine, which is to say that it belongs to me, which is mine, Anime Freak, owns this fan fic.  The next thing that I am going to say is my disclaimer, are you ready?  Readers: YES!  The characters of this fic do not belong to me, but to those geniuses who thought up Zelda, whom I give thanks to in prayer every day!  The way I set up this disclaimer is from Monty Python, another thing I give thanks to but do not unfortunately own!  Now, since you were so patient, here is **my** fan fic, which belongs to me, which is to say... oh well, here it is

Chapter 6

After their thrilling time at Lon-Lon Ranch, Link and Navi decide to go to Kakriko Village

Link: Well, here we are!  Now what are we doing here again?

Navi: I don't know, lets just look around!

Link: OK

Navi: ::Fakes a heart attack:: Dost my ears deceive me?!  Has Link actually done something I asked?  Call Guinness Book of Hyrule Records!

Link: :-( Shut-up!

At the House of Skultilla

Link: What is this place?  It looks like a big, empty space…

Navi: Hmmmn…  Idea!

Link: PARTY…AHHHHHHHHHH, What is that!?!?

One of the deformed Skultilla/People drops from the ceiling

Bob: Hi, I have a curse on me, will you help me?

Link: Boy, your one for subtlety, aren't you?

Navi: Oh, you poor, poor man of course we'll help you, right Link? 

Navi gives link one of those stares that says, "Do this or I will keep you in a state of eternal pain and torture for the rest of your life!"  You know the kind, the type your parents give you when they are mad

Link: Well, maybe, but what's in it for me?

Navi: Grrrrrrrrrr

Bob: Well, you can cut me up for long periods at a time if you want!

Link: Cool, it's a deal!  Starting, NOW!

Link has fun slicing up Bob and all his children for a while, but gets bored and cuts all of the strings that are keeping them on the ceiling and leaves them on the ground

Navi: How could you?!?!  I'm going to go and help them!

Link: Go right ahead! ::Navi leaves:: COOL, she is finally gone!  YAY, now lets see what havoc I can wreak while she is away.

Link proceeds to destroy the town

Navi: Ahh, that feels better, do a good deed daily, that's what I… always… say…?  What the hell happened here?!?!  LINK!

Link comes running over to Navi chased by a large band of crazy Cuccus

Link: RUN!  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Navi: What did you do now?

Link: How was I supposed to know they would be offended?  Oh, just shut-up and keep running!

L&N run into the Graveyard and smack into the Little Boy

LB: Don't cause trouble, or I'll tell Dampe!

Link: You Nark!

LB: I'm too cute to be like Dampe, but I'm working on it!

Navi: I don't even want to ask!

Link: OK, just leave us alone.

LB: OK, just don't cause any trouble, or I'll tell Dampe!

Link: Lets just go, this place is getting kind of boring

Back in the main village

Link: Whew!  Their gone, thank god!

Carpenter: Get out of my way!

Link: Geeze, the people of this town can be so rude!

Navi: Well, I can't blame them, I mean you did destroy their town

Link: Oh yeah, that's right!  Hehe.

Navi: Lets just go up Death Mountain

Link: Why would I want to do that?  Isn't it called Death Mt.?

Navi: Yeah, so, your point?

Link: My point is that it is dangerous!

Navi: Not as dangerous as Princess Zelda!

Link: Oh, yeah, that's right!  Teehee!

Navi: Lets just go!

Link: Fine!

Well, that's the end of Chapter 6, tell how you like it!


	7. Death Mountain and Goron City

ACCKKK!  Help me, I need ideas for my fic!  I have ideas for Ruto, and Darunia, but I need ideas for the following characters: Saria, Nabooru, Raru, and any other people you think might help!  If you have any ideas, please send them to me via e-mail at: Eric2Oct@aol.com, label them: Ideas for fic, because if I don't know what an e-mail is, I delete it.  Anywho, onto a lighter side of my fic, the actual fic.  Enjoy (please).

Chapter 7:

No preface, just that they are on Death Mountain. (A/N: Yes, I know that they are supposed to go to Saria first, but I was…wro…w-w-wron...wronnnn...I can say it, wrong ::sob::)

Link: Sheesh, that guard was annoying, and he even had the nerve to ask me to do something for him!

Navi: I guess your right, but I still don't think you should have run him through with your sword, I mean, that's just not nice!

Link: Yeah, yeah, what ever.

Navi: Grrrrrrrrrr.  Hey, Link.

Link: What is it now?  You don't like the way I walk?

Navi: No, just LOOK OUT!

Link: Wha…ahhhhhhhh, a mutated spider, thing, animal

Link is locked in a struggle for his life, while Navi sits on the sidelines, eating popcorn, and sipping at a soda, stopping long enough for an occasional "You go Link" or " Oh, that's got to hurt!"

Link: Why didn't you help!

Navi: What? And risk breaking a nail?

Link: Oh shut-up and lets get going.

L&N walk up Death Mountain, stopping occasionally to kill a Tektite until…

Link: Ahhhhh!  A rockslide!

Navi: No it isn't, it's a Goron rolling down the hill!

Link gets smashed under a Goron and thrown off the cliff

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Link walks back up the hill and sees the Goron that threw him off

Link: YOU!!!!

Goron that threw him off: Oh, hello, nice day for a roll, huh.

Link: I am going to kill you!

GTTHO: Who me? Why would you want to do that? ::If you haven't guessed, Gorons are a bit slow::

Link: Because you threw me off the hill you dumb ass!

GTTHO: Oh, was that you, sorry, I can't control myself

Link: Like hell you can't!

Link proceeds to try and chop up the GTTHO, but as the GTTHO is made of rock, all he succeeded in doing was to make his sword very dull.

Link: ::Huff::Puff:: I'll get you next time! ::Wheeze::

As L&N begin to walk up the hill again, another Goron begins rolling down the hill, and Link puts up his shield and the Goron goes Off the side of the cliff, about 30 min. later, they hear a dull thud, and an owww.

Link: Hehehe

In the Goron city

Navi: Finally, we made it

Link: Yeah, no thanks to you though!

Navi: Shut-up

Link: What's with this place?  Where are all the women?  How do they have fun?  Wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know!

Navi: What in the hell are you talking about?  Oh, oh, ohhhhhhh, ewwwwwwwww, that's just sick!

Link: Lets just go

Navi: Please

At the entrance to the royal chambers

Navi: Hey, maybe, since there is the **sign** of the **royal family**, you might have to **play **something that shows that you are **close** to the **royal family**.

Link: Why are you talking like that?

Navi: I just thought that since you wee so thickheaded, I could give some clues.

Link:  **:**-(

Link plays the song, and the door opens

Link: Well, lets go in

Inside

Darunia: Hello there old chap, simply smashing to see you!  My name is Sir Darunia, landowner and ruling king of these fine premises.  And what might your names be?

Link: Umm, my name is Link, and this is Navi.

Darunia: Pleasure, I'm sure.

Link: Well, lets get down to it, you have something I want

Darunia: My my my, you young children are so headstrong and have no time for preliminaries!

Link: What ever, just give me the stone!

Darunia: Well, I afraid I, umm, don't have the stone!  Yes that's it, it was stolen!

Link: Oh really, then what is that behind your back?

Darunia: Oh, this?  It's nothing you need to worry about, just an after dinner mint, that's all

Link grabs the stone from Darunia

Link: Ha!  Caught you, you were going to eat it, weren't you, then you were going to blame it on some one else, weren't you, then you were going to make a fake one, weren't you?

Darunia: (Breaks down crying) You caught me, all I wanted was a taste, it looked so good and, I couldn't resists (cries shamelessly)

Link: Ok, just back away and smile, back away and smile.  Now run away and smile, now run away screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Outside

Link: Lets not go in there any more!

Navi ::nods head in agreement::


	8. Messed up Kakriko and Saria

Oooops, sorry, I had a very hectic week, didn't get to write any thing so here it is.  Oh, by the way, even though no one has given me any ideas on characters, I have an idea for Nabooru.  P.S. I will mention your name in my fic, and tell about any fics if you have any if you give me some ideas.  Here it is, good luck…………

Chapter 8

Last time, Link and Navi got the firestone from Darunia, who was trying to eat it, Link was pushed of a cliff, and they didn't do much of anything else.  

Navi: Geeze, that was a very boring chapter

Link: Yeah, I think we should fire him, he sucks

Me: Hey, you think you could do a better job?  Well, here, you try it!

I walk away in a bad mood, Link and Navi smile

Link: He'll come back, he always comes back

Navi: Well, while he's away, lets F*** things up a bit!

I come walking back, all cool and collected again

Me: Sorry for blowing up at you like… that…WHT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!!!!!!!!

The Tektites are rolling around with no legs, the stone walls are blue, the grass is black, all the people are on the ground graveling, and Link and Navi are floating in mid-air, with my pencil in their hands, a faint light glowing about them.

Link: Do you like what we have done with the place?  It was a bad idea to give the almighty pencil to us!

Navi: Yes, it was, we had a lot of fun while you were away!  Well, we need to get back to the story, or else all of our readers, however small an amount there are, will get bored, because this really has nothing to do with Zelda!

Me: Oh, yeah, well give me the pencil, and GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY!

In a few strokes, I correct every thing, and now we will continue Zelda: New and Improved

Navi: Well, since we were supposed to go see Saria before, how about we go now?  

Link: Ok, I haven't seen her since…

Link receives an evil glare from Navi

Link: Lets just go, shall we

Navi: Lets

In the forbidden forest

Kapora Gabora(Don't know how to spell it): Hoot hoot

Link: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

KB: Hi, I am a stupid owl that will give you some stupid information that you really don't need, so listen

Link: And if I don't?

KB: I don't know, but your supposed to listen

Link: Look Navi, target practice

KB: O_o Now it's my turn. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Link: Hehe

Navi: Hehe

L&N: Hehe

Navi: Lets go

Link: k

In Sarias secret place

Link: Saria!  Stop!  I can't stand it!

Saria: Don't you like my ocarina playing Linky-poo?

Link: Eh?  Speak louder!  I can't hear you!

Navi: Linky-poo?!?!

Saria: It is a special song that only is known by my special friends, do you want to learn it?

Navi: Linky-poo?!?!

Link: Not necessarily

Saria: Great, you need to play along with me, are you ready?

Link: No, I don't really want to learn your stupid song

Navi: Linky-poo?!?!

Saria: Ok, here goes ::Plays ocarina::

Link: hey I said, oh never mind

Link plays Sarias song and his ocarina glows & sparkles

Saria: Hey, mine doesn't do that, I want it to do that, why does yours do that?  And why don't you die when you leave the forest?  I want to leave the forest, I want a late fairy too, and why do you get a sword…

Navi: LINKY-POO?!?!

Link: Everyone, just SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!

A cricket chirps and Link glares at it until it stops

Link: There, that's better!

They leave and still, no sound

Link: Ok, now I know why I left, I couldn't stand her constant Bitc*ing 'I want this' 'I want that' Ahhhhhhh, it is just so annoying!

Navi: May I speak please?

Link: Yes

Navi: Linky-poo?!?!

Link: Grrrrrrr

And so ends one of the worse chapters that I have ever, and probably will make!  I still need Ideas, so please e-mail me!


	9. A really long chapter and Zoras Domain

OK, thanks to Sailor Triforce for your ideas, and thanks to, umm, no body else, b/c I haven't received any other ideas!  Here is chapter 9, you ungrateful people you!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda, the flamethrower belongs to BMValkyrie from the insane trio come to Hyrule, and the mallet belongs to Chibi Raja, who continually whacks me on the head with it!

Chapter 9

In the last chapter, Link and Navi really messed up Kakriko Village, and we met Saria.  Now you know why her hair is green, with envy!  Hahahahahaha, *clears throat* sorry.

Link: Well, lets go get that last stone

Navi: Why?

Link: Why not?

Navi: Good point.

At the mouth of Zora's River

Link: Ahhhhhhhh!  There's an octopus shooting at me!

Navi: Haha!

Link: Grrrrrrrr.  Lets just go.

Fat Man Selling Magic Beans: *Chomp chomp* hey, want to buy some magic beans?

Link: Sure, will I see a giant?

FMSMB: Sure, whatever.

Link: Cool^_^

FMSMB: That will be 10 Rupees, would you like to buy some more?

Link: Why not!

FMSMB: Thank you, that will be 20 Rupees

Link: What, you bastard!  You raised the price!

FMSMB: Hehe 

Link kills the FMSMB and takes his entire stock

Navi: HOW COULD YOU?!?!

Link: Easy, I just made a little slice! ^_^

Navi takes out Chibi Raja's mallet and hit Link up-side the head

Link: OWWWWWWWW!  Hey, what did you do that for?

Navi: ^_^

Link: Lets just go!

At the Waterfall

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Water!  I can't swim, I'll drown, and I won't live, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hate water!  I'll die!

Navi: If only I were that lucky!

Link: Shut-up, how do I get in smart one?

Navi: Well hmmmmmmmmmmm, there is a triforce symbol, now what could that mean?

Link: It's lunchtime?

Navi: NO!  Play the stupid Zeldas Lullaby!  AHHHHHHHHH!  Why me?

Link: Oh, Ok ^_^

Link Plays Zeldas Lullaby

Recording: Hello, and welcome to Zoraville, where we try our best to accommodate your needs!  Of you will be staying overnight, play one note, if you are just passing through, plays two notes, if you want the special tour package, play three notes…several hours later… If you would like to speak with a real Zora, play 100,000,000,000,000 notes!  Thank you for coming to our fabulous Zoraville!  If you would like to hear this message again, play 100,000,000,000,001 notes!  Thank you, and have a nice day!

Link: *Snore*  

Navi: Hey!  Wake up!

Link: What?  Who?  Huh?

Navi, oh shut-up and play three notes on your ocarina!

Link: Ok

*beep, beep, beep* The Water fall opens up, and the Recording comes back

Recording: You have chosen: Three notes, which means you are just passing through, are you sure this is what you want?  To confirm, play-

Link shoves his sword through the recording and it dies down

Navi: You know, for once I agree with you!

Link: *****Clutches heart and fakes a heart attack* 

Navi: I knew I shouldn't have pushed my luck!

Inside Zoraville

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHH, water, everywhere!  Hold me

Navi: Oh, you big baby!

Link starts walking along the wall and a Zora comes up to him

Zora: Oh, hello, did you see who wrecked our greeting system?

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Mutant fish!  Run away!

Link backs up and falls into the water

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I can't swim!  AHHHHHHH!  More mutant fish!  AHHHHHHH!  Why am I screaming?

Link then finds that the water is low enough that he could walk and that he didn't have to swim.  Link gets up, looking thoroughly embarrassed

Link: Sorry about that, I was just coming down from the fairy dust that Navi gave me *****Clears throat* well, um, I'll just be going now, shall I?  

Navi: Hehe, you dumb ass

Link: Shut-up!

At the room with King Zora

King Zora: Oh, duh, hey, how are you?  Aren't the lights pretty?

Link: Yeah, um, so, do you think that you can move?

KZ: I have pudding!

Link: That's nice, could you please move?

KZ: Do you like fire hydrants?

Link: Not particularly, now, will you please move?

KZ: Who are you?

Link: My name is Link, and I am asking you nicely to move!

KZ: Aren't the lights pretty?

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  WILL YOU MOVE ALREADY!!!!!!!

KZ: Who are you?

Link jumps over KZ, but gets momentarily stuck in his blubber, but soon gets to the other side

KZ: I have pudding!  Does anyone have a bowl?

Link: Lets never do that again!

Navi: *Shakes head in agreement* 

At Jabu-Jabu

Link: Man!  And I thought King Zora was big!

Navi: So, why are we here again?

Link: Oh, I found a bottle a little while ago

Navi: And when had you planned on telling me this?

Link: I wasn't ^_^

Navi pulls out the mallet again and hits Link several times over the head

Navi: Hehe, I found a new way to manage my stress!

Link: Help

Inside Jabu-Jabu

Link: EUGH!  What is that God-Awful smell?

Navi: Haha!  I don't have a nose, to poopies to you!

Link: Hey, Anime Freak!  Can you help me out here?

Anime Freak (me): Hehehehehe…

Navi: Oh no!

I give Navi a really big nose

Navi: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I can't take I!  Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…!

Navi faints into a ball of indefinable shaking liquid

Link: Thanks! ^_^

Me: Any time! ^_^

Back in the fic Link has scooped up the blob that is Navi and is storing her in a bottle

Link: Ok, I'm going to go find Princess Ruto now, and then get out of here then go to Princess Zelda, Geeze, so many Princesses, and why am I talking out loud, when I am alone, or am I?  *Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn* Or am I just paranoid, maybe I should just shut up, yeah, that's what I'll do!

Link finds Princess Ruto

Link: *Off to the side* Man, from seeing what her father is like, I'm not sure I'll be able to take her!

Ruto is standing there with the encyclopedia in one-hand and Coke Bottle glasses on her nose, taped together at the rim.

Link: HELLO!!  ME LINK!!!  WHO BE YOU????

Ruto: My, what a strange man you are, do you know that I have been down here for exactly 2 days, 3 hours, 6 minutes, 20 seconds and 40 milliseconds waiting for some one to come and rescue me?  In that amount of time, exactly 30,000,000,000,000 gallons of water have gone over the waterfall, and I have made a complete map of Jabu-Jabu, so thank god it wasn't a complete waste of time!

Link: ooookkkkkaaaayyyy, um do you have the blue rock thingy?  

Ruto: Huh, the blue rock thingy?  Its formal name is the Zora Sapphire, and no, I don't have it.  Lord Jabu-Jabu ate it, and I was looking for it but fell in this hole!  I won't leave until I find it!

Link: Ooooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaayyyy, if you want to burn with the rest of this stuff!

Link pulls out Lady Valkyrie's Flamethrower and begins to torch Jabu-Jabu

Ruto: Hey, what are you doing?  Lord Jabu-Jabu!  Stop that!

Link: Hehehe *continues to burn*

Link and Ruto run out of the flaming Jabu-Jabu

Link: Fried fish! ^_^

Ruto: You pig!

Link: What?  Do you want some?

Ruto: Uh!   *Faints*

Navi: Huh?  What happened?  Oh, cool, fried fish!  Can I have some?

Link: Sure! ^_^

Link takes a bite and breaks his teeth on the blue rock thingy

Link: Oh, cool, I found it!  ^_^

Navi: ^_^

Link: ^_^

Navi: Ok, lets stop that now

Link: Ok, ^_^

Navi: :-( 

OK!!!!!!!!!  That was a really long chapter for me, so tell me what you think, and I'm not even going to ask for ideas b/c I know I won't get any!


	10. Temple of Time

Ok!  Don't expect another chapter that long, I don't think I could make another one!  Thanks again to Sailor Triforce for your ideas, and thanks to Lady Valkyrie for all of the ideas that you gave me.  Now, on with Chapter 10!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda; I am using several characters from BMValkyrie's The Insane Trio Comes to Hyrule.  These include: Jack, the elf worshipper, Michelle, the pyro, Lauren, the psycho, and Katie, Michelle and Lauren put together and I am only writing this to take up space to make my chapter long because I don't have many ideas because people don't give me any and because I am in the middle of a writers block, so don't be mad if this chapter sucks! 

Ok, last chapter was very long, and Link and Navi got the Zora Sapphire (the blue rock thingy) and had fried fish^_^!  Now, they are going to, well, I'm not going to give it away, read it!

Link: Ok, lets get rid of these things now, please?

Navi: Eugh, yes, lets, I can't wait to get rid of these!

L&N go up to the drawbridge and it is closed

Link: What the h*** is this c***?  I go through all this f****** trouble, and the g** d***** princess has locked the POS drawbridge!

Navi: I am sensing a wave of hostile feelings coming from your aura.  I believe that you should try to calm down a little, and then you will have good juju.

A/N: Only my friends and I will understand what I mean by juju, so for now, pretend that I said something funny and laugh, thanks^_^!

Link: Ok, lets just calm down, and wait for the stupid gates to open.

Suddenly, the drawbridge begins to open.

Navi: See, good juju fixes everything!

Link: Yeah, whatever.  Hey!  There's a horse coming out!

Zelda and Impa come galloping out

Impa: Like, oh my gosh!  It's Link!  Hi Link!  Like, you wouldn't believe the day that I have had!  It was a total mess from the beginning!  First, I broke a nail!  Then I

Zelda: Oh shut-up will you!  Listen Link, that freak Ganondorf found out about my plot to kill him, so he went running to my dad, now he wants to ground me!  Now, I'm running away, and framing you for my kidnapping!  So, if you want me to come out and tell the truth, then you have to kill him!  Here, you'll need this ocarina to get to the sword.  Good luck, and I'd watch out for the guards if I were you!

Zelda throws the Ocarina of Time at Link, and it hits him in the face, Link then passes out.  Several hours later, Link wakes up and starts to moan about Princess Zelda.

Link: the stupid frickin wh*** just up and dumps this s*** on me!  I can't believe her!  I'm going to get that sword, oh yes, but not to hurt Ganondorf, oh no, but to kill ZELDA!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

Navi: I am sensing more negative juju emanating from your aura, you must-

Link: Oh stuff it Navi!  Lets just go and get the sword!

L&N make it to the Temple of Time

Link: Oh my god!  Those guards were easy to kill!

Navi: Hehe, they saw my devil impression and fled! ^_^

Link: Yes, good times, good times.

Navi: So, what are we supposed to do?  Oh, wait, I see a Triforce symbol!  I'm afraid to ask, but what do you think that means Link?

Link: Oh!  Wait!  I know this one!  It means, it means, ummmmm, it means, I should play, ummm, the, ummm, Song of Storms!

Navi falls down Anime-style, and then proceeds to majorly disfigure Link with the mallet.

Navi: Ahhhhh, much better!

Link: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that hurts.

Navi: Stop your whining and play the Royal Lullaby

Link: Ok

Link plays the Lullaby, and the door disappears.

Link: Lets get this over with!

Suddenly, Ganondorf comes running out of the shadows

G-dorf: Oh Linky!  Wait there for a thecond you thilly man you!

Link: Oh no!  What is he doing here!

G-dorf: Oh Link your thuch a kidder! 

Link: Just go away!

G-dorf: Well!  I never!  I know when I not wanted!  I'll just go now!

Link: No!  Not that way!  That's the wrong room!

G-dorf: What?  You thilly!  I've been here longer than you have; tho jutht be quiet!

G-dorf walks into the room with the Master Sword

Link: You dumb ass!  AUUGGGGGHHHHH!

Navi: Well!  What are you waiting for?  Go and get him!

Link run into the room with G-dorf and sees the Master Sword

Link: OOOOHHHHH!!!!!  Big shiny sword thingy!!!!

Link grabs the Master sword and the blue wall surrounds L&N

Navi: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm trapped, I'm trapped!  HELP ME!

L&N fall into a deep sleep for 7 years.  They wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day!  But unfortunately, there is a fat man blocking their way.

Link: WTF!  Who the hell are you?  Hey!  My voice is deeper, and I'm taller, and I'm older and, :: Looks in pants:: YES!

Raru: Hello, I am Raru, the Sage of light.  I was feeling really depressed because I have no friends, so I took it out on the first person I saw, which happened to be you!  You have been asleep for 7 years and Ganondorf has taken over due to the unfortunate kidnapping of the princess, you know we never found the man who did it!

Link: ::Changing the subject::  Yes well, what has Ganondorf done to Hyrule?  Has he terribly scarred the land?  Or has he built up a strong army of dark forces bent on destroying the world and then taking all of the spoils for himself then stomping on the ashes of the world!

Raru: Well, not exactly.  Actually, Hyrule has never been more prosperous, everyone is happy, that is everyone except for us sages.  You see, G-dorf thought that we were too powerful and that we couldn't rule anymore, so he locked us all up, so now you have to go and unlock all of the temples!

Link: And why should I do this for you?

Raru: Because, um, because I will give you a big bag of gold if you do!

Link: Oh, ok, that's fine by me!  Hey, wait a second, why are my ears pierced?  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  I've been turned into a girl!!!!!!!  Help me!!!!!!!!  I don't want to be a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WAAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Raru: Yeah, well, you see, 7 years is a very long time you see.  I had to do something to keep myself entertained!

Link: Why you little!  Come here you fat ass!  I'll slice you into tuna fish!

Fortunately for Raru, he gave Link his talisman and it hits Link on the head, successfully knocking him out…again!  Raru then sends Link and Navi back to the real world.

Link: GRRRRRRRRR!  Why I auta-

But what Link should have done will never be revealed, for at that moment, Jack, the Elf Worshipper suddenly runs into the room!        A/N: HEHE, get ready for some messed up randomness!

Jack: Elf God!  You're awake!  I have been awaiting your foretold arrival and now the promised Elf God has come!  Grace me with your words of wisdom, my Lord!

Link: WTF?????

Jack: OH!  Such pure words of wisdom!  In all of my time-

Suddenly, Lauren pops out and lands on Jack

Lauren: Oh, hello there, I'm Lauren! ^_^  

Then, Lauren gets off of Jack and Michelle and Katie pop in and land on top of Jack

Jack: owwwwweeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Kate: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  A new Link!

Michelle: Can I light you in fire?

Link: Who are all of you people?

Jack, Lauren, Michelle, and Katie: YOU CAN TALK?

Link: Of course I can talk, now who are all of you people?

Lauren: *Spotting the master sword* OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  A big shiny thingy!   MINE!!!!!!!!

Lauren takes the master sword and runs around.

Link: Hey!  That's mine!  I want it back!  Give it to me!  Hey!  What are you doing?

Michelle: Must…cause…. mass…destruction!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Can I blow this place up?

Link: No you can't!  And who are you?

Katie: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The Devil is in you!!!!!!!!  Must destroy devil!!!!!!!!

Jack: OH Elf God, please regale me with your words of wisdom again!

Link: ANIME FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, a large, bubbling pool of black guck appears in the middle of the floor, and I rise out of that.

Anime Freak:  Hey, what are you guys doing here?  Get out!!!

Katie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  Here comes the Devil Himself!  I must cleanse you!

Anime Freak:  Hey BMValkyrie!  Get down here and take these people away!

BMValkyrie suddenly teleports in

BMValkyrie: Oh, hi!  Thought I would screw with your fic! ^_^

Anime Freak: WHAT!?!?  Just take them away!  Their ruining everything!

I begin to cry about the pointlessness of this fic, BMValkyrie pities me, waves her hand, and all four of the characters that didn't belong go poof and disappear.

Anime Freak: Thanks ^^!  

BMValkyrie: Anytime ^_^!

BMValkyrie teleports out with a faint poof.

Link: What the hell was that?

Anime Freak: I don't know, but I don't think we have seen the last of them!

Link: Well, thanks, now lets keep going!

Anime Freak: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

The black boiling goop reappears and I sink slowly into the pit.

Link: Navi?  Where are you?

Navi: Huh?  What happened?  I was sleeping, sorry.

Link: You don't want to know!

Navi:  Whoa!  Your older!  And your ears are pierced!  How did your ears gey pierced?

Link: Yet again, you don't want to know!

Navi: Ok, so now what?

Link: We go and unlock some temples.

Navi: Why?

Link: A big bag of gold!

Navi: YAY!  Lets go!

Ok, that was really weird, I am sorry, but it is right now 12:30 A.M.!  What do you expect from me?  Oh well, I would like to thank BMValkyrie for letting me use her characters, and for Sailor Triforce for the Ear idea, and I still need suggestions, so, please help!  Thanks!


	11. Kokori Forest and the Lost Woods

Ok, so that last chapter was really long to, but don't expect another one, I'm not sure what I will be doing until I get there, that is why this fic is so random.  Thanks to Sailor Triforce for your great reviews, and I will find a way to bring Sheik in, thanks for reminding me about that to.  Here is chapter 11!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda

In the Last chapter, Link and Navi were frozen in time for 7 years, and woke up to a world of happiness and tranquility *shudder*, where Ganondorf ruled *double shudder*.  We now see link at the entrance to the Kokori forest, thinking…

Link: Hmn, should I go straight to the forest temple, or should I stick around the village and toss a few of the munchkins around?  What do you think Navi?

Navi: If we had the time, then I would choose the latter of the two, but as it is, we have a lot of time, so hey!  Let's go hurt some midgets!

Link: Oh my, I seem to be rubbing off on you!  You poor dear.  Oh well, let's go kick some ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L&N go around town, throwing little people here and there, eventually finding their way to the Great Deku- I mean, Quagmire *Snort*

Link: Hey, there's that freak, *snort* Quagmire *Link bursts out laughing uncontrollably*

Suddenly a coconut drops on top of Links head.

Link: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HOW IN THE HELL DID HE DO THAT?????

A small monkey suddenly pops out of the tree and chatters at Link

Monkey: Ooh ahh ahh ahh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  

The monkey bares its tiny teeth at them

Link: Why you little!  I'll get you!  Come here you little runt!

Link chases the Monkey out of the clearing and into the forbidden forest.

Link: Where did he go?  I'm going to get him!

Navi: Just forget him!  It doesn't matter!

Link: do you know what is really annoying about you?

Navi: What?

Link: The fact that you exist!!!!!!!!!

Navi then goes totally devil-like (you know, with the red coloration, the horns, the deep, scratchy voice) then advances on Link, who runs away screaming

Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Navi: Tee he^_^

Link makes it to Mido, who is blocking his way, again! 

Link: Ok, do you want to do this the hard way, or the easy way?

Mido: What are my choices?

Link: Either you move out of the way, or I beat the S*** out of you!

Mido: But I promised Saria that I would stand guard for her.

Link: So, I see you want to do it the hard way!  Good!

Link proceeds to beat the living S*** out of Mido

Mido: OOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!  That hurt!  Ok, I'll move, but mister, you look kind of familiar, do I know you from anywhere?

Link: No, but I have a little brother, named, um, ahhh, named, uhhh, Lank!  Yeah, that's it!

Mido: Oh well, you live outside of the forest, so you might see a kid named Link. If you do, can you give him a message for me?  All I want to say is that I still thing he is a price of s*** and that he can never come back, or I'll kick his ass!

Link scowls at Mido, and then throws him into a pit or never-ending pain that just happened to be there!  Navi then scowls at Link.

Link: WHAT?!?!?!  I didn't kill him!  I just made him wish he were dead! ^_^ There's a difference you know!

Navi: I'm too tired for this, lets just go!

Link: Fine.

Ok, really short chapter peeps, because I know the next chapter will be long, so R&R, thanks.


	12. The Forest Temple

Ok, if you haven't figured it out by now, I have been kind of avoiding any temples, or bosses, this is because I am totally clueless on what to do!  So, please, don't flame me, if you do, I will delete it and then stalk you until your dying day!!!!!!  AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!  Ahem, sorry.

Disclaimer: I own everything Zelda!  I don't care what you say!  No matter what those men in black suits do to me, I will still say that I own Zelda!  Oh no!  My god!  NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  NOT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, in the last chapter, Link and Navi came to the Kokori forest, where they had a good time terrorizing the people there.  Eventually ending with Link throwing Mido into a never-ending pit of pain.  Let us look in on Mido, and see how he is doing!

Mido is at my school

Mido: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  What did I ever do to deserve torture like this??????  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  It's the terrifying Science teacher from hell!  Help me!!

Hehe, that was fun!  Ok, in the fic, it opens with Link fighting a Poe in a, um, interesting way, I'll let the announcer tell you what is happening!  Now on to the fic, good luck!

Announcer: Thank you Anime Freak!  Now!  Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for!  In the south corner, we haaaaaave Link!  Weighing in at a whopping 100 pounds!  He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, heart to heart talks, his sign is a Virgo, and he is single ladies!  Give a huge round of applause, for LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers in the crowd scare birds out of the forest

Announcer: Now, Links opposition, in the south corner, weighing in at, um, 20 pounds, we have a Poe

You hear a cricket chirp.

Announcer: Now, in this match, we will see who can drink the other under the table!  So, here come the first glasses

Three hours later…

Announcer: And here comes glass number, 1,000,000,000,000,000.  To recap, So far, they have each drunk 20 shots of tequila, 40 bottles of wine cooler, and the above number of bottles of beer!  Wait!  What's this?  Link is getting up!  Lets see what he says!

Link: Hey!  You look kinda familiar!  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  You're a witch!  You can light fires with you lantern!  I must kill you!

Announcer: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! That's got to hurt!  I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but I can't let you see this!  Oh!  Ouch!  Oh man!  That Poe will feel that in the morning!  Well, it looks like the match is over, since the Poe is unable to continue!  I declare Link!  The winner!

Loud cheers fill the forest once again, and Link faints, in a stinking pile of mass.  Link wakes up several days later

Link: Oh man!  What happened?

Navi: You must have been either high, or really stupid, but you got smashed out of your mind, and killed a Poe!

Link: Oh, cool!  ^_^

Navi: ^_^

Link: ^_^

Navi: -_-

Link: ^_^

Navi-_-;;

Link: ^_^

Navi yanks out the mallet and smashes Links head in.

Link: :'-(

Navi: ^.^

Link: Lets just go, before you hit me again!

Navi: But why?  I'm having so much fun!

L&N go on the entrance to the forest temple.

Link: So, um there aren't any stairs, so how am I supposed to get up?

Navi: Your supposed to use the slingshot!  Duh dumb ass!

Link: Umm, what slingshot?

Navi: You didn't get the slingshot yet?

Navi begins to draw out the mallet when Sheik comes in.

Sheik: Oh, hi, sorry I'm late, but I had some, um, things to do.

Link: Who are you?

Sheik: I'm Sheik, and I'm here to give you some information, then suddenly disappear without a trace!

Link: Oh, well at least you're not that really annoying owl!

Sheik: Um, yeah, so, I am going to teach you two songs right now, because you I missed you at the temple of time, those kids scared me too much!  Well, first I will teach you, the prelude to Light!

Heavenly song fills the glade

Sheik: Now, hold up your Ocarina and play with me.

Lank and Sheik play the Prelude to Light and Links Ocarina glows, and so on and so forth, but then Sheik, who is getting impatient, cuts in.

Sheik: You don't have much time, now, learn the Minuet of the Forest, hero of time.

Link: Ok, fist of all, stop calling me the hero of time!  Then, who are you again?

Sheik: Listen!  I'm trying to be serious here!  Now shut up, and play the god d***** song!

Link: Whoa!  Ok ok, don't have a cow man!

Sheik plays the Minuet of the Forest and his Ocarina glows, again.  Suddenly, Saria appears.

Saria: Your Ocarina still glows?  I want one!

Link: Come on!  Saria, what are you doing here?

Saria: What?  Me, what are you two doing here?  This is my spot after all!

Link: Hey!  Don't be so mean!

Saria: Well, I'm going into the temple, where you can't follow me!

Link: No!  Don't go in there!  It's cursed!

Saria: Shut-up!

Saria goes in the temple then Link and Sheik hear her scream.

Saria: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Stupid girl!  I told her not to go!

Sheik who has been watching all of this happens with an open mouth, suddenly speaks up

Sheik: Um, ok, so, what was that all about?

Link: Oh forget it, I have to go save her!

Sheik: Well, ok, um, sure.

Link leaves Sheik still trying to figure things out.  He suddenly remembers that he can't get up, and comes back.

Link: Um, I was wondering, could you give me a boost?

Sheik: Why?  I have the sling shot right here, I knew you were too stupid to remember to get it yourself.

Link: I'm not sure if I should hug you for getting the slingshot, or hit you for insulting me, and since I'm not Ganondorf, I pick the latter of the two!

Sheik: Um, got to go now, bye!

Sheik throws something on the ground and a mini atomic explosion goes off and Link is knocked out by the radiation.  Link and Navi wake up a day later.

L&N: Bastard!

Link: Eugh!  I'm not sure if these boils are permanent, but lets just leave now!

Link goes into the first room and the Poe sisters are in the middle of a tea party

Link: Hey!  Who are you?

Poe Sister 1: We are the Poe sisters, and we are supposed to guard this place, but right now, we're having a tea party, want to join?

Link: Sure!

Link joins the tea party, but spikes their tea so the sisters get drunk, then they tell Link lots of secrets on how to defeat Phantom Ganon and then let him down to see him.

Link: Ha!  That was too easy!

L&N make it through most of the obstacles, (A/N: Ok, I know that I'm not doing everything, but hey, this is already really long, and I haven't played this temple in about 2 years!  So lay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) until they get to the twisted room.

Link: Oh man!  This room looks f***** up!  And I didn't even take any thing this time!  I mean, um, I, well, what?  Why are you looking at me like that?

Navi: Your hopeless.

Link: Lets continue, shall we?  Wait, what is this creepy circle that seems to be forming around me?  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  A hand!

A wall master suddenly falls and Link cuts it up

Link: There!

A giant comes out and yells at Link

Giant: Hey!  What was that for?  That was my good hand, and there you go cutting it up!  Now I'll have to hurt you.

Link runs out of the room as quickly as possible.  L&N make it all the way to Phantom Ganon and then he comes out and the eerie music begins to play.

PG (Phantom Ganon): Hey!  What do you think you doing here?  I was just admiring the artwork when you barged in!

Link: Ok, first of all, be quite, and second of all, what happened to your lisp?

PG: Oh, that's only in the real G-Dorf, he the 'happy' one.  Well, now I must kill you!  Bye!

Link: Hehe, I get to hurt a ghost!

Link PG go into one of their little battles, and Link wins

PG: Now I'm going to get serious, you won't know which picture I'm coming out of, so have fun!

Link: Oh S***

PG tries to go into one of the pictures, but suddenly screeches to a halt

PG: Whoa!  It's the Mona Lisa!  I can't do any ting to that!

So PG goes around and sees that all but one of the pictures are major woks of art, so Link pretty much knows where PG is going to be.  PG then tries to go through the picture and rips right through it and hits the wall on the other side, thus ending PG.  Then Link is transported to the Chamber of the Sages, where Saria comes out of the ground.

Saria:  Haha!  I can do something you can't do!  Don't you want to be able to do this?  I bet you do!  

Saria starts to dance around Link and making loud comments about things that only she can do, until Link gets tired and walks off.  Saria notices this and gets mad at him for not letting her finish gloating, so she takes her talisman and throws it at the back of his head, once again knocking him out.  Link wakes up a couple of hours later.

Link: This is getting really annoying!

Navi: Well, I haven't been hit yet!

Link: I can fix that!

Link chases Navi around until Navi flies out of his reach, and the fight is ended.

Ok, ok, so the ending sucked, but come on!  Give me some credit here!  So, this will be the last chapter for a while, because I'm going out of town for spring break, bye!


	13. I am soo sory

Hey!  Finally!  Chapter 13!  So the long wait is over!  Are you glad, or were you kind of enjoying the period of relative sanity without me and my story?  I was hoping you would say #2, but oh well!  So, to recap, if you have forgotten, because I have to, Link and Navi Finally finished the Forest Temple, and now they are going on to the Fire Temple.  I'm not exactly sure if that was stated last chapter, but oh well, it is now!

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

Link: Ok!  So, here we go, on to Death Mountain!  Yeah, so, umm, yeah.

Navi: Oh shut up already!  Let's go into the Goron cavern again and see Darunia.

The color drains from Links face

Link: Oh no!  Please, not there!  Anywhere but there!  No!  You can't make me go!  I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!

Navi rolls her eyes and begins dragging a kicking and screaming Link into the Caverns

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L&N get in the caverns and see that no body s there, so they have another big party.  They wake up several days later.

Link: Have you noticed that we seem to be having a lot of parties?

Navi: Yeah, so?

Link: Good point! ^. ^

Navi: Oh, ok.  Hey, whats this little kid doing here?

Little Kid: Hey!  I ain't no little kid ::Obviously drunk::  I'm Link!  The most fearsome person of them all!  You better no be mean to…ooh, whats this pretty blue light?

Link: Hey that my name to!

Link and Link go into a chorus of John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Shmitt.  Until Navi hits them both over the head with the mallet.

Little Link (LL): Hey!  That hurt!  I ganna throw something at you now!

LL looks around for something t throw, sees the Gorons tunic and hurls it at Navi.  It hits her, and she passes out.

Link:  Hehe!  God shot!

LL: Thanks I practice in…

LL then passes out from the alcohol and Link takes the Gorons Tunic, scoops up Navi, and leaves LL as a stinking pile of bleh on the ground.  Later, Navi wakes up.

Navi: Where is that little brat?  I'm going to kill him!

Link: Ah, forget about him!  He's passed out in he caverns.  I got the tunic, let's go.

Navi: I'm going to kill him!

Link: Umm, you just said that.

Navi: Did I?

Link: Yeah, you did.

Navi: Are you sure?

Link: Yup, I'm sure

Navi: Are you sure you're sure?

Link: YES!  I'M SURE I'M SURE!

Navi: Are you sure you're sure you're sure?

Link: Let's go before I kill you!

Navi: Hehehe ^^

L&N Enter Death Mountain

Link: Oh man!  It's so hot in here!

Navi: Well duh!  This is kida-sorta an ACTIVE VOLCANOE!

Link: Oh, yeah, that's right.  Um, I'll just put the suit on now.

Navi: Ok… and while you do that I be over here laughing my head off at your stupidity!

Navi goes off and laughs her head off, so Link Finds it and puts it back on.

Link: There, you owe me!

Navi: Shut up, lets go to the D*** temple!

Link: Ok, but you still owe me!

Ok, so there is the long awaited chapter 13!  I hope you didn't get annoyed with me, but like I said, I had spring break, then the next 2 or 3 weeks were filled with school!  So, they will be coming out more quickly!  Bye!


	14. Death Mountain (again)

Hey!  Finally!  Chapter 13!  So the long wait is over!  Are you glad, or were you kind of enjoying the period of relative sanity without me and my story?  I was hoping you would say #2, but oh well!  So, to recap, if you have forgotten, because I have to, Link and Navi Finally finished the Forest Temple, and now they are going on to the Fire Temple.  I'm not exactly sure if that was stated last chapter, but oh well, it is now!

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

Link: Ok!  So, here we go, on to Death Mountain!  Yeah, so, umm, yeah.

Navi: Oh shut up already!  Let's go into the Goron cavern again and see Darunia.

The color drains from Links face

Link: Oh no!  Please, not there!  Anywhere but there!  No!  You can't make me go!  I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!

Navi rolls her eyes and begins dragging a kicking and screaming Link into the Caverns

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L&N get in the caverns and see that no body s there, so they have another big party.  They wake up several days later.

Link: Have you noticed that we seem to be having a lot of parties?

Navi: Yeah, so?

Link: Good point! ^. ^

Navi: Oh, ok.  Hey, whats this little kid doing here?

Little Kid: Hey!  I ain't no little kid ::Obviously drunk::  I'm Link!  The most fearsome person of them all!  You better no be mean to…ooh, whats this pretty blue light?

Link: Hey that my name to!

Link and Link go into a chorus of John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Shmitt.  Until Navi hits them both over the head with the mallet.

Little Link (LL): Hey!  That hurt!  I ganna throw something at you now!

LL looks around for something t throw, sees the Gorons tunic and hurls it at Navi.  It hits her, and she passes out.

Link:  Hehe!  God shot!

LL: Thanks I practice in…

LL then passes out from the alcohol and Link takes the Gorons Tunic, scoops up Navi, and leaves LL as a stinking pile of bleh on the ground.  Later, Navi wakes up.

Navi: Where is that little brat?  I'm going to kill him!

Link: Ah, forget about him!  He's passed out in he caverns.  I got the tunic, let's go.

Navi: I'm going to kill him!

Link: Umm, you just said that.

Navi: Did I?

Link: Yeah, you did.

Navi: Are you sure?

Link: Yup, I'm sure

Navi: Are you sure you're sure?

Link: YES!  I'M SURE I'M SURE!

Navi: Are you sure you're sure you're sure?

Link: Let's go before I kill you!

Navi: Hehehe ^^

L&N Enter Death Mountain

Link: Oh man!  It's so hot in here!

Navi: Well duh!  This is kida-sorta an ACTIVE VOLCANOE!

Link: Oh, yeah, that's right.  Um, I'll just put the suit on now.

Navi: Ok… and while you do that I be over here laughing my head off at your stupidity!

Navi goes off and laughs her head off, so Link Finds it and puts it back on.

Link: There, you owe me!

Navi: Shut up, lets go to the D*** temple!

Link: Ok, but you still owe me!

Ok, so there is the long awaited chapter 13!  I hope you didn't get annoyed with me, but like I said, I had spring break, then the next 2 or 3 weeks were filled with school!  So, they will be coming out more quickly!  Bye!


	15. Fire Temple

Hi!  I know what your thinking…  YAY!  New chapter!  Well, that or, oh damn, does he have to keep posting this totally pointless story?  Well, whatever your thinking, post I will, but with a slight pause in my postings.  Sorry for the delay, but I have a very big history report that was due, so it took me a while for that.  So, without further adue, I present to you… hey that rhymes!  Ummm, oh yeah, so here it is, the next chapter!

Disclaimer: …

In our last chapter, L&N went into the crater and Link suddenly realized that it was warm in the center of a volcano, so he put on the Gorons Tunic and then he was fine, so now they are going to go into the Fire Temple.

Link: Wow, we really did a lot in the last chapter!  I hope this one will be as eventful as the last one

Me: Don't count on it

Link: Damn, oh well, lets go Navi

Navi: Hey, wait a second, you put my head on backwards!

Link: ^^

Navi: Put me back!

Link: Ok ok, hold your horses!

Link puts Navi back correctly

Link: Happy now?

Navi: No, your still here, aren't you?

Link: Haha, lets go into the temple, maybe you'll burn up, seeing as how you don't have a tunic.

Navi: Nope, I'm just magical like that.  ^^

Link: Shut up, lets just go!

They go into the temple.

Link: Ok, now we're in here, so what do we do?  AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  Fire Bats!  Help me help me help me help me help me help me!!!!!

Navi: Oh shut up and kill it! 

Link: Oh, yeah, hehe thanks!

Link kills all of the bats and then he sees all of these statues.

Link: What are these for?  They are just in the way, can we go yet?  Huh, can we can we can we can we can we can we?  Well well well?  Can we?  Well?

Navi: Eugh!  I'm leaving, you are just too annoying!

Link: Finally!  She's gone!  I can do whatever I want to now!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi: I'm right here under your hat you know

Link: Oh maaaaaaaaaan, why did you have to stay?

Navi: Because I'm not done annoying you yet! ^^

Link: Lets just go find Darunia and get the F*** out of here.

Navi: Sounds good to me, lets go.

Link: And do you have be so happy all the time?

Navi: Why not?

Link: Well, well, umm, well, it's just annoying!  That's all!  Be pessimistic for once d***it!

Navi: No! ^_^

Link: *Mumbles something under his breath* Just, just, keep up!

Link begins to sprint away, while Navi flies under his hat and sits there comfortably.

Link: Ah ha!  I lost her!  That annoying little b****.  With "hey, look listen" all the time, I'd like to…

Navi: You'd like to what, Link?

Link: N-N-Navi!  How long have you been here?

Navi: The entire time!  But like you said before I'm always happy, maybe you should be happy to, or I might not be as happy, do you get my drift?  

Navi begins to glow red.

Link: Oh yeah, that's me, Mr. Happy!  Happy happy happy, all the time.  EEP!  Lets go please.

L&N go through all of the rooms, and eventually get the Big Gorons hammer and blah blah blah.  So now they are in the room where Darunia went, they go in the room. (Dumb Asses)

Link: Where the hell is Darunia?  Can we leave yet?  Please?

Navi: No, we can't leave, we have to find Darunia first.

Link: Why though?  It's not like he's all that important, is he?

Darunia appears out of nowhere and storm up to Link

Darunia: For your information, I am very important!  Why, with out me, the entire Goron…

Suddenly the ground shakes, and Volvagia comes out of the ground and swallows Darunia.

Link: Hey!  Cool, thanks a lot, he was getting boring!

Volvagia: Oh, thank you, but I still have to kill you.

Link: Why?

Volvagia: Well, it's sorta part of this whole monster bit, I gotta kill anyone who comes in here, sorry!

Volvagia begins to fight Link, who has no chance, but suddenly, the dragon begins to shake and then dies

Link: Hey, I'm good!

Darunia: No your not, your actually very bad, I did that.

Link: No, no, I did that, I had to!

Darunia, See what happened was I took my talisman, like this, and threw it inside of him, like this, and, lets pretend your head was his heart, It hit him like so.

Darunia hits Link in the head and he is knocked out and wakes up in the field, alone, with the exception of Navi.

Link: WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND BEING KNOCKED OUT?!

Navi: You seem to attract unwanted objects toward your head, interesting.

Link: Oh my poor head stop yelling you three!

Link is pointing at Navi at the time of this statement.

Navi takes Rajas mallet and hits him again.

Navi: Teehee!

Ok, sorry, by the time this was finally finished, I had taken finals, and then for some reason my AOL account isn't showing up on the login screen, but I found a way around that!  HAHA!!!!!  Go through the guest thing, it works!  Now, I will be moving on July the 16th, and will be out of the state I am in at this current moment at possibly all times before then, so I will not have any way to write my story, until at least near the end of august, but hey, I've gone longer without updating, right?


End file.
